Descriptions

Rubbing my fingers through my hair while blinking at the blaring screen in front of me, I begin to wonder who I really am and what type of person that I give off to people.

I have a sharp tongue along with even a sharper temper that can easily cause poison to spew out and coat replies with acid and be unaware of the other person's reaction.

When in a happy and completely relaxed mood, I can be sweet and playful as the tropic breeze and dance between my comrades' hair and bodies and be completely free to be myself without having to hide behind my mask of walls.

Unfortunately, my anger strikes as a multitude of tidal waves dragging me and the others down into a deep bluish-black abyss where rows and rows of arms and teeth are more than ready to grab, snap and tear flesh into million of pieces.

I wonder....  I wonder if I am a slave to my own past and if will be able to open my heart again for everyone to see.

If I were to carry all my burdens and weights I would become a lonely Hermit crab scurrying to and fro across the sand to avoid being stepped on or eaten.  I cannot carry my burdens all by myself and FOR myself, I must and will eventually share my burdens with many types of people.  

Alas, there are and will be only two people that I can and will give and share my burdens with and they are and will be: My future husband, whom the good Lord will give to me, and my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

I am not a monster, this I am beginning to see through the Lord's hands, but merely a troubled and disturbed being like so many people of the planet who longed to have love and be loved.

If I had wings that were mine their appearance would be torn and tattered at the seam but still strong enough to lift me and support me in flight. I would use those wings of mine to fly away from my troubles on the land.  Alas, I will always return home and face them, but not alone.

I have my friends, my family, and my Lord to guide me.  I hope from the bottom of my heart that I do the same for them no matter how small or large my gesture is to them.

I long to take flight, but I can only go so high before crumbling to the ground again.